Tuesday, 21 September 2010

The Bricklayers Arms

This is the Official Kingston Pub of Jeremy Kyle Rejects.  Members of the Cambridge Estate have meetings here all day, every day.  The clientèle include inbreeds, drunks, chavs, hooligans and idiots.  Dress code is a shaved head, England top, shorts and white trainers.
You have to try and play along in a place like this, so after walking to the bar like a Liverpudlian with giant testicles we ordered a 'rand of drinks' from the butch lesbian behind the bar (testosterone levels are high in here, even in the women), for some reason she was very adamant that Disaronno isn't Amaretto (and we didn't want to argue).  Not feeling very comfortable, we sat down on a table across from the games room and noticed a very drunk old fat man trying to play pool with the wrong end of the cue.  This was to be a series of messed up incidents we'd witness in the one round we stayed.
This drunk could hardly stand, he had no teeth and for some reason homed in on us.  Coming over with his pickled breath trying to shake our hands and slurring something about the length of Dave's hair before wandering off, getting another pint, coming back and doing the same thing again.
Another family of strange looking inbreeds were sitting at the bar.  For some reason the daughters had their hands down their mums jeans pockets throughout the evening - seriously they just sat there with their hands in there, WTF?  Later there was a bit of a scuffle outside (since the smoking ban I guess most of this pub drinks outside now), some girl with a black eye was re-enacting something she once saw on Eastenders.
After she left the scene we took our chance to leave, we gathered ourselves up and pushed through the obnoxious comments thrown by the morons as we waded through the pub towards the door.  It felt good to be out of there.
-Alex

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Pool table
Uneducated proletariats
Coke, J20, Amaretto and coke:

£7.15
Alex - 0.3
Dave - ?
Oliver - 0.0

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOVL, Brilliat review. Really made me chuckle :-))))

Zoe Day said...

This is the most offensive article I have ever read. It is totally untrue, hurtful and in fact I am tempted to sue you for slander.All those of you that decide to read the moronic views from 'Alex', please come into The Bricklayers Arms, and see for yourself what its really like....A friendly, local family pub.

Alex said...

Zoe, I'm sorry you chose to be offended and hurt by my two half year old post. But all what is said is completely true to what happened on the day I visited - it was simply terrible.
Perhaps the pub is a better place now, but I certainly won't be visiting.

Noreen said...

I can vouch for the pub being totally different I went in there for the first time tonight,to watch my kids play darts. The atmosphere was brilliant and the landlady and pub regulars were really welcoming and friendly.I had a great night with good people in a proper pub