The Peel

By all accounts this public house is named after Robert Peel, who was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom during the late 19th century. All very nice, but now ask yourself - how does that tie in with being a strip club?? That I cannot answer.
The pub has three main areas, games room, live music room (a few bands play on weekends) and the strip club is at the back.
After going through the five-inch thick double doors at the entrance we arrived in the games room. The barman looked like something from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, an old bald guy dressed in a vest and jeans with tattoos all over his arms. I approached and tried to order a round but every time I tried, he'd wander off. It appeared he'd only serve us from the strip club.
After getting the drinks and shuffling back to the games room we played a couple of games of pool, then out of nowhere the old barman started shouting "Don't go behind the bar!!!". It was aimed at some other young guys who were the other side of the games room. We were all looking a bit confused, as no one had or even could of been near there.
Inside the strip club itself the lighting is quite dim, with two poles on centre stage. I didn't bear thinking about what I was sitting on, none of the stools looked particularly healthy. There was a strange musty smell too, perhaps it was decades of smoking clinging to the walls. Scattered about the place there were three old men who were probably regulars and lived alone. There were two alternating dancers who were somewhat attractive. Unfortunately Oliver forgot his glasses so didn't get to see anything!
-Alex

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Now, after going out in Kingston for many many years I was quite surprised to find that there was a local strip bar, not that I would go out looking for one, but you usually hear about the locations of them when you are such a local to the area. The venue is also home to a live music venue which is active on a number of nights of the week, unfortunately this was not one of those nights. We started out in the bar area which is quite a small area with a pool table, after a while we realised that the barman was reluctant to serve us in this room and we then moved next door to the larger bar area, complete with stage (and poles....you can see where this is going). So we stayed for the entertainment on offer for a round or two then headed back to the small bar to continue our games of pool for a while before catching the last show before we left, just as we were leaving the stage artist was collecting £1's for a final show she was putting on for a couple of guys who had just arrived and didn't want them to have wasted their time, a sign of good service.
Overall not a bad bar, with a surprising feature to boot, not sure if its a place I would frequent a lot unless it was on a large lads night of a special occasion (stag do etc.) However I would like to see what the live music is like when its on. Defiantly not a good idea to mess with the landlord, from the looks of things he's a dab hand of dealing with trouble!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.40	Yes	6.5	7.4	7.9 (8.3 with glasses)

The Richmond Park

Another of the old granddad pubs where local lout families come to get drunk and create unnecessary drama for laughs.
Probably the biggest pub we've been to, The Richmond Park is divided into two sections. One side is for the old people slowly rotting away eating fish and chips, the other is a rowdy billiards room with a jukebox that loves to play Shirley Bassey on high volume.
If I was 50 years older I might contemplate coming back here for hopefully both my eyes and ears would have deteriorated to a point which makes sitting in here bearable. There was a Scottish Terrier laying on the floor trying to chew his own leg off, I knew how he felt.
Scampi Fries and a friendly barmaid were the positives, but that should come as standard!
-Alex

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It’s a pub of two halves, a small area that has a huge amount of volume on the jukebox, 4 tables, one of them for pool. We started in the main area which looked like more of a eating area than a pub, after the first pint Alex was insisting that we head to the next door area, so we did, we place our order realised it was packed and we couldn’t hear each other, and then returned to where we were but a more ‘pubby’ part of the area. Was interested to see dogs were allowed to roam freely about the place, not usual for somewhere that serves food by hey ho, the dog was more interested in his own leg than anything the humans were eating. Alex decided to buy 4 bags of scampi fries this week but got very protective of them and would only let us have 1 bag between us, every time we went to open another he snatched them away with a look in his face which made me think he may be worried of any ‘consequences’ had he not taken them home with him instead of consume them, Odd you may think……I would agree!
- Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke/Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.65	Yeah yeah	5.6	5.0	6.2

The Queens Head

Probably the most northern pub in Kingston, The Queens Head's is a quirky, traditional style pub. Plenty of places to sit and relax, dotted with strange drawings of Frankenstein and Dracula on the walls. In the furthest corner there's a separated private area with three suspiciously stained couches. We didn't sit there for long.
I've learnt Tuesday's are training days for bar staff and today was no exception. J20? Let me check... nope. Pineapple juice? Let me check... nope. It's not a mystery that Andrew is the oldest looking one out of the three of us, so it was quite jaw dropper when he was asked for ID for his pint of cider.
I was even more perplexed that by the end of the night we'd also manage to drink the pubs supply of both orange juice and Strongbow.
I don't want to carp on about pubs toilets, but I feel this needs to be mentioned. It is obvious these WC's have never seen the likes of bleach, in fact it probably hadn't seen anyone who works here. The tiles were falling off, the floor was soaked in urine and the smell made my throat sting.
This place was a lot better than some of the other places we've been (minus the gents), I wouldn't feel put off going back again, after all they did the holy grail of snacks - Scampi Fries!
-Alex

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Interestingly different is a phrase that sums this place up, I was rather late to this one and as we had a 4th member of our party the others decided they would meet me in the bar, I walked in while on the phone to Alex asking where he was and no matter what I still couldn’t see him, until I realised they were in a small living room area at the back of the pub with 4 rather large sofa’s secluded from the rest of the pub. We decided to move and found two leather sofa’s in the main public bar which seemed to have misleading padding as when you sat on them you sank in quite far, comfy but lower than needed I think. I was quite surprised when Ollie was getting his round he came back minus my drink saying the barman wanted to see my ID, the same guy who served me not 60mins previously, it took Ollie about 3 attempts to convince me that he was not taking the piss and the barman looked kinda silly when I looked at him and double checked if he really wanted me to get my driving licence out, the guy was at least 5 years younger than I am……… and for the record, I may look the oldest of our group but Alex has me beat by a good few months!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, Orange)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.00	Yes, Scampi Fries!	6.9	6.7	6.5

The Oak

Rumours had suggested that this pub may have a mandatory Kevlar dress code, but from what we experienced on this quiet Tuesday night no one died.
We were greeted by a few guys with oral flatulence playing pool as we walked in and a mixture of old people sitting on barstools. As it was quite a large pub we had pretty much half the pub to ourselves and headed over to the sofas.
I had a feeling the bar staff weren't quite on the ball when Oliver ordered a 'purple J2O' and ended up with a small bottle of wine.
The toilets were probably the worst we've seen, instead of cleaning them they just threw urinal cakes at them. This caused a terrible waft of disinfectant round the pub every time the door was opened. There was no hand soap but plenty of lime scale.
Everyone else left the pub after the football had finished so we were the last ones there come lock up. It was at this point we became aware that the inside cash machine was manually emptied on closing by the bar staff. Hmm...
-Alex

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This place was very surreal on a few points as far as I am concerned, admittedly it was a very quiet Tuesday evening, which got even quieter after the football finished but I must say that I have never been in a bar that starts upturning chairs on tables in a ‘we’re closing’ method when there is still over half an hour before time is called at the bar, so yeah we were the only 3 people in the pub at this point but it not only blocked my view of the TV I was glancing at when I was ignoring Alex, one almost fell which, if it had, would have don’t some cranial damage to Ollie. Toilets….well…..i’ve smelt better in a back alley (not that I frequent such places).
- Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.95	Yes	6.8	6.1	7.0

The Gazebo

I don't know what this place is trying to be.
Upon entering the downstairs entrance your greeted with hard wooden chairs and tables, the nothingness of space and dark lighting makes the place feel moody and depressing. When ordering our drinks the barmaid was stroppy, pulling faces when we asked for a J2O and then throwing the change into my hand. I suggested we check out upstairs.
Now the upper floor is a complete different kettle of fish, there's people smiling, chatting, comfy couches, relaxing lighting. When we went to get the next round the same barmaid was smiley and pleasant!! What the f...? It's like a different pub.
I don't know if they are trying to keep a 'traditional pub' downstairs and a 'cool bar' upstairs but seriously, it's a big fail from me. So this is why I only giving it half marks.
-Alex

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This is defiantly a pub of two halves, just not the traditional split down the middle, it’s a one on top of the other affair. The bottom bar boasts large patio style doors to the riverside walk and a red cloth pool table but its not the most lively of places to go and the low ceiling makes it fairly dark inside.Head upstairs via an outside staircase and you’re in a totally different atmosphere, much brighter, soft furnishings and a balcony seating area is defiantly more the place to go. This is a Samuel Smiths bar so no mainline alcohol which made for an interesting round but otherwise the top floor is defiantly a place to go in the summer, can’t see it doing that great in the winter.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (JD & Coke, Pineapple juice)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£5.62	Yes	5.0	7.0	7.2

Old Orleans

The USP of tonight's bar was good old cleavage.
Looking around, I got to know people instantly by the way they checked out the barmaids. There's the type who will take a sly glance when they think no ones watching, the other that stares, locked like a man possessed. Oh and then there's us, who stupidly grin at each other like prats before the other catches on.
This place is quite honestly priced as long as you keep away from the cocktails. Even when spending £11 on a pitcher you'll be lucky to get 3.5 short glasses and then end up spilling half of it when the ice comes tumbling out (well done Andrew).
The layout is cool, although stay away from those tanned couches. They appear to have had better days and are currently looking like something you'd find in Rab C. Nesbitt's garden.
The bar is a popular one for the student crowd and doesn't have any annoying music pumping out like the other local bars.
-Alex

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In the past I have only ever been here for a Christmas party, a birthday party and a meal with some mates on another birthday..... oh and some pre TGI’s for another birthday..... long story short, all of these were on a Saturday night and all but one were during the Xmas period so its has always been, well, heaving is the only word that comes close! This evening there were only about 5 small groups of people in and the restraint was deserted!
We approached the bar and after looking around while waiting to be served I noticed Alex and Ollie whispering to each other and giggling, after a short while I was up to speed and they were fixated by what the bar staff seemed to be showing off (see Alex’s review). We were pleasantly surprised at the cost of the round and looking at the drinks menu you could quite happily get a round of 3 alcoholic drinks for less that £6, something that I think would give the Kelly Arms a run for its money, however as our default order has not changed I was destined to get the bottle of Bulmer’s as it was the only Cider drink on over at a cost of over £4 for a bottle, it over doubled the cost of the other two drinks, had I gone for, say, a bottle of Corona or Budweiser, I'm fairly certain we’d be on a round less than £6.although it was very quiet it looked like only one barmaid was on duty meaning there was always a wait to be served as she also seemed to be on glass collection. Even though its mid-week, they really should have had a second member of bar staff on.
Atmosphere was pretty good and cocktails we sampled were not too bad though quantities for your money are questionable, probably why the standard drinks are so cheap that they make their money on the cocktails. Overall a pleasant place, would quite happily return for a mid-week drink, or weekend one!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.40	A stupid cardboard thimble of nuts	7.7	8.1	7.0

The Kingston Tup

After hearing some unsavouries about this place, I wasn't looking forward to spending much time in tonight's drinking hole.
It actually turned out to be rather satisfactory. The pub had recently been completely refurbished and actually looked quite presentable. A pool table, games machine and table football were amongst the new social pleasantries.
Oddly the only person working here was a very young barmaid, which, I'd say is rather risky in Kingston.
Upon closing, we watched her roll in a humongous barrel from outside. No idea why, I can't imagine anyone wanting to steal it.
-Alex

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There was some apprehension with some of our party when this place came up onto the list, but it was all based on hearsay and once we entered the pub we were pleasantly surprised. We got served almost immediately as the place was very empty, as most places probably would be at half 7 on a Tuesday evening. The furnishing looked quite new and was very clean yet basic, as if the place had recently had been refurbished. Overall a pleasant chilled out evening was had by all, Ollie and I even sampled their absinthe....again....why does it always have to be an aniseed flavoured alcohol shot......hold on, I think I ordered it this time as well, defiantly remember the barmaid thinking we were a few marbles short of a full set when I asked after it, never mind, onto the next pub!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£9.30	Yes	7.0	7.7	7.3

Woody's

Wandering down by the river, we noticed the bar next to The Ram that had been closed for a few months had just re-opened.
This is how I believe it went down. A guy called Woody has a dream, a dream to open his own bar. He'll put lots of trendy things in it, paint all the walls and floors white, and even have a selection of teas, coffees and sweets.
Sounds good doesn't it? Err, in his head it may of. You see, the image(?) doesn't quite work. Woody spent his life savings and buying lots of big old oak chairs/tables and fish-eye mirrors, but then had no money left for the the other few tables he needed, so he threw in some plastic McDonald's seats. The badly painted wooden white floor speaks for itself, and he complete forgot some kind of theme. Stay outside, or go to Bar Ha Ha a few doors down.
Am I snob? Possibly.
-Alex

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This venue was not the next one on our list but we fancied a riverside location so we headed down to see what we haven't yet seen, to notice this place was now opened to our surprise as it had been boarded up on every trip riverside so far. So, to save walking any further we decided to test it out.
The outside of the bar had many picnic benches and looked very busy form the outside, upon entering he place was deserted, in all honesty this could be due to the warm evening, or the fact the smell of paint was still thick in the air. Décor was quite....unique would be the best word, not quite seen anything so random especially when it come to seating but its one of those things that will either be a hit or a flop, I'm not ready to commit to either just yet. Maybe wait till the paint has dried and re-visit in the cooler months and see how its going, though we don't officially re-visit for the purposes of this site, i would like to give it another go down the line.
The rest of the night was quite uneventful apart form the looks on the others faces when Ollie presented me with ‘my’ bottle of absinthe 80% proof which i (after some peer pressure) decided to take a swig, and was the only one out of the three of us to manage about ¼ of a miniature bottle without spitting it out. Things might have got a little blurry shortly after but that's another matter!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.30	Pistachios or monkey nuts in a glass	6.7	7.0	5.0

The Kelly Arms

Amazingly good value and very traditional, The Kelly Arms was a pleasant surprise after what we had experienced a short distance down the road at The Duke of Buckingham. Situated in a residential area, it was pretty quiet with only one other customer when we arrived. Instead of a jukebox, a TV was in the corner playing the Kevin Costner film - No Way Out. I didn't understand the plot, it just involved a murder and a lot of running away.
On the placard outside the pub was advertising they had a Nintendo Wii. This is all good, except when they decide to list every Wii Sports game as if it were separate. The fact is it's one game, and that's the one they give you free. Don't try it.
If I lived local I'd be a regular here, good stuff.
-Alex

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This place looked very quiet on the outside, and on the inside....nothing was too different, TV was on showing Star Trek when we arrived and all of one other customer was in the bar. We places our order and when we were asked for the money we looked at each other thinking he must have missed one of the drinks off the tab but no, sure enough this is by far the cheapest rounds we have had yet, by at least £1.30, something I cant see being beaten but we are not even halfway through our mission at this point.
We took our drinks outside as it was a nice evening and the area was also quiet and very pleasant, outdoor seating looked new though on the slightly small side, max 4 people to a bench. It didn't get much busier over the course of the evening, maybe 3 or four others came and went. Would probably come here again if I happened to be in that part of Kingston again! (P.S, Don't listen to Alex, Wii Sports is a good game, just because it comes with the console doesn't mean its not good for hours of entertainment with friends, we just didn't try it this evening!)
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, Pineapple)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£6.30	Yes	8.0	7.8	8.2

The Honest Cabbage

Our first impressions of this daft named pub wasn't particularly good, I'm putting that down to the area (it's based in the middle of Fairfield’s housing estate). Some drunken old louts were by the front door making a nuisance to anything that walked passed (including a 16 year old girl).
After dodging them we got to the bar and ordered the usual. Unfortunately the barman opened a wrong bottle, we got a strong impression he was not willing to exchange it for what we asked. Humph.
Sitting outside, it was worse than that at The Ram. Damaged tables on concrete slabs covered in weeds, with a bin in the corner – that pretty much sums it up.
Being the only ones left, we eventually headed inside. It was quite agreeable actually, with comfy seats, good music, TV and a pleasant atmosphere. Nothing to complain about if you stay indoors :)
-Alex

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We were initially happy that this weeks venue had a beer 'garden' but that was a loose term for the area, more of a beer yard as there was no vegetation to be seen. Prices were about average though the bartender could use some help deciphering the difference between the flavours of J2O on offer.
After a couple of rounds the temperature dropped and we decided to head inside and although it was empty apart from a group of guys in the corner, the atmosphere was held quite well and we found a comfortable table by the bar and continued till last orders.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.40	Nobby's Nuts	6.9	7.0	6.5

The Grey Horse

Tuesday's must be some kind of 'open talent night' round the back. When anyone swung the door open to get to the bar, we were showered in either very bad beat boxing, a vocally challenged guitar player or someone who knew only the chord of C on a piano.
To be fair they do have some good nights on at the Grey Horse, it's just wasn't happening when we were there.
It was reasonably priced and I noticed they sold real ale.
-Alex

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After the pleasant surprise of the round price (especially after just leaving Isha, the look on Alex's face was a classic) we looked about for seats and found....all of them totally empty, for the most part we were the only customers in the main bar. The next room had a staged area and what appeared to be an open mic night. Only ventured in there to use the facilities, and getting slightly confused by coming across the first door with a ladies symbol and then the second door .....also with a ladies symbol, only after asking at the bar was I told there was a third door, right in the corner, not so obvious in a darkened room.
This place does potentially hold a good atmosphere and there was plenty of evidence of previous and upcoming nights that I'm sure would be quite a hit, we even considered coming back the following Sunday for a comedy night with some recognisable names.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.85	Yes	6.0	6.3	5.6

Isha

This place charged us more per round than anywhere else we'd been. It wasn't helped by the unpleasantness of sitting exposed to Kingston's main one-way system either.
Apart from us, the only people there were a group of excitable goggle-eyed middle aged men playing table football, overlooked by the barmaid on a stool.
The internals looked OK, but at this price... hell, we left after one round.
-Alex

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Not much to say really, when we got there it was very quiet apart from the table football competition looking event happening and after the first round we decided to call it a day and head to the next on the list which was handily just across the road. Alex was so depressed for getting the first round in he wanted to jump out the window but when Ollie and I went though the door he calmed down and followed. This is more of a place to go after the pub as its usually open till 1 or 2!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Magners, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£10.30	Didn't wait to find out	3.5	3.0	3.0

The Ram

Find table outside in the evening sun. Get drinks in. Look around and notice strange students wearing plastic happy meal sunglasses. An hour later they are replaced by brash larger louts with too much testosterone and beer for their bodies to cope with. Nice entertainer man, he say come inside for quiz, we say yes.
We play quiz, we fail at quiz (by considerable margin). Oliver and I hide when results are read, seven other teams point and laugh at Andrew thinking he's on his own.
Staff were friendly enough, although without the quiz, the pub would have been quite blasé.
Oh and although it's by the river, the rear 'garden' is pathetic concrete strip.
-Alex

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The outside seating area almost matches the sq/footage of the inside of the pub, its a shame its so far away from the bar itself to make getting a refill of your drinks something less than a chore for the guy who got the short straw! Beer garden would be nice on a summers weekend but for an evening situation, if you're facing the wrong direction you will have the sun in your eyes till it hides behind the trees.
I like Pub Quiz's, even if we did loose quite spectacularily i think the face that the quiz existed was a major plus for this venue.

-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.75	Yes	7.3	7.8	7.2

The Fighting Cocks

Quite a punky grungy type of pub, the place where people not only have studs in their ears but in their belts and lips too. If you ask their favourite colour they always say "black", which is the wrong answer.
The place is laid out alright, there's a room off from the bar that is so small in that if you saw someone else sitting in there, you'd be uncomfortably invading their space. We sat in the main bar area.
Not sure what you call that music where heavy metal is accompanied by the sounds of a gurgling tortured man but that was on in the background.
But the weirdest thing, for just £2 you can buy a 'Bacon Vodka Shot'. Yes that's right - shaved meaty goodness mixed with alcohol. One can only assume it's some kind of sick Muslim joke.
Safe, no attitude bar. Respec.
-Alex

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This place has always been intriguing to me from the looks of the outside, probably one of the few places in Kingston that dares to be different and I think its carried off quite well. The bar obviously has its regulars as when we walked in most of the barstools were occupied. After placing our usual order we found a free table by the door. The general atmosphere was fairly tame everyone there seemed to be part of a small group and kept to themselves tho things did generally pick up as the evening went on. After a minor spillage, went to ask the barman for a few paper towels to which he decided to come to that table a wipe the whole thing down instead, not bad service at all! Overall a good place even if its not quite up my street I could happily spend an evening there with a group of mates with no fuss.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Scrumpy Jack, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.35	Yes	7.9	7.5	7.0

The Boaters Inn

As English weather goes, we thought it could be the last chance to sit outside in the sunshine for a while. What we were not prepared for was the swarms of midges that infested the waters edge. Even when I was inside ordering drinks I'm sure I was still spitting flies out in the bartenders face (which would explain why he couldn't get the top off my bottle of beer).
This is a first right, we ordered the three of our usuals, they didn't have any of them. Perhaps they heard of this blog (harhar) and tried to avoid the tarnishing drivel - not happening guys, there is no escape.
But I digress, none of this make any difference to my approval rating. After moving inside away from the flies it was chilled out, loved the atmosphere, loved the beer. I'm coming back, but this time I'll be wearing one of those sexy hats with corks.
-Alex

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We decided on another riverside location this week as it looked like a nice evening. We arrived to find the pub in a park type area giving it a rather rural setting for Kingston, also this is one of the farthest out of Kingston pubs we have visited yet (2nd only to Duke of Buckingham which was miles out). The rural setting and riverside location did mean there was large amount of flies lurking about the entrance, and the outside seating area, but we didn’t have to worry too long about that as the temperature really dropped after round 1 and we went back inside. Surprisingly not one of our usual order was available from the bar meaning some quick thinking was in order for some of us and what exact soft drink to have was more of a decision for Ollie, 3 types of fruit juice and all the standard soft drinks made for quite a selection after there not being J2O in stock.
The bar had a nice atmosphere about it, staff were friendly and seemed to be making small talk with some of the other customers.
Apart fomr that it was a fairly non-eventful evening, its defiantly one of those places for a chilled out weekend afternoon cathing up with mates, or possible a pre-night-out place, somewhere to get the evening going.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Bulmers, Budwiser Budvar, Coke)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£9.10	Yes	8.1	7.7	5.5 (the guy's an idiot)

Bishop Out of Residence

Being here on previous summers told us we wouldn't have to look hard to see a few Chav's metamorphosing, it's that age where they slowly crawl out of their shell suits and into adulthood.
The staff were a bit weird, the barman had long fuzzy blonde hair and he had the face of nightmares when looking across at the £10 note I was holding, it was like he'd been chosen to head Mensa. I gave him the exact change to stop him coming out in a rash. Another guy was just employed to stack the outside tables and chairs, which was pointless because people were unstacking them again when he turned his back.
There was one disturbing bit where some skinny, leathery skinned, 50ish, drunk bloke came up and plopped himself down on a table of girls and proceeded to slur and slobber over their table. Obvious to say their tables were being stacked two minutes later.
But don't get me wrong, it's a nice bar location and décor wise. It has all the drinks/snacks you could want.
-Alex

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This bar is one that we have frequented many times in the past and admittedly is a favourite of our when it comes to riverside drinking. Being one of the first evenings of a warm nature we decided to re-visit the list of bars we were waiting for warmer weather and this happened to be the first one.
Overall the level of trade was quite high for an early week session, however having the outside seating was proving to be popular, managed to get our drinks and find a table to accommodate us in the outside area. Lightweight chairs were slightly rickety but dint feel like they were going to collapse on us (or me). Price of the round does reflect the riverside location so while it is one of the few to break the £9 barrier for a round, it was worth it.
The evening itself went very wekk, Ollie was at the end of his course so decided to get the shots in (something that doesn’t usually happen on these tests as most of us are working the next day) unfortunately the shots were Absinthe, 55% proof which is apparently a ‘weaker strength version’, oh yes, it was also a double, after this and the aftershock later on in the evening we were even considering visiting Oceana but as the lifts home were looking less likely and realising the commitments we had the next day we decided maybe some other time.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£9.10	Yes	7.5	8.3	7.0

The Duke of Buckingham

This is a granddad pub if I've ever been to one. It was so dull and dingy - at least we know where the local musty old men go.
Even before we got to the pub we had people peering out from behind the curtains in the street. We opened the door and stumbled into a games room, the local weirdo's put their drinks down and stared, so we promptly backed away and found another entrance.
The landlord was seriously fleshy, he kept a gun above the bar in one display case and some bath taps in another. He spent a lot of his time listening to someone shouting on his phone.
There was also a strange rumbling sensation coming from the floor throughout the pub, probably the landlords gut.
-Alex

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Can't really say much about this place, the evening was fairly uneventful. very quiet, most the poeple there when we arrived were the for the football match on tv and they left shortly after it finished. Being so far out of Kingston town centre its not really going to attract much in the way of 'passing trade'.
Funky doors on entry being curved and all but initially went through the 'Public Bar' one to end up in the games room and three people staring at us wondering who these people were who had the nerve to interrupt them, a quick backtrack and into the door to the main bar proved to be to right course of action. Overall a fairly dull place to go in my opinion.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.75	Salted peanuts	4.4	4.5	6.0

The Cocoanut

This place was next to the art campus of the Uni, so we were expecting quite a young crowd.
First thing to notice was it had very little lighting. If it wasn't for the candles (barmaid made a point of saying it was for 'ambience') you'd only be able to see the emergency exits and a pool table. Weird thing was all the proper ceiling lights had no bulbs in, the electricity bill must have been very high or someone had stolen them to make an arty sculpture.
We first propped ourselves up on some wobbly barstools because the only other free place to sit was a red couch with a broken hole in the middle. Andrew said it was too low to sit on and he'd never be able to get up again.
Finally a table became free by the window and we settled there. In the corner there were two standing "DJ's" wearing, for an unknown reason, butchers hats. They played a mixture of film themes, dramatic instrumental, house and cheesy music. They didn't mix anything and I didn't understand why it took two of them to change a CD.
The toilets must have been part of a 'ghetto art project' as they were covered in graffiti. I'd expect people who work there have kidney problems through fear of going in there.
Around 10pm it hotted up and some very fine ladies made the place look a whole lot better.
There was also a weird old man in an armchair who lived across the street who was staring at me through his living room window the whole bloody time, even when it got dark he didn't shut his curtains. I refused to turn round and look because that is exactly what he would have wanted.
-Alex

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Defiantly a student pub being staggering distance from a campus and a halls of residence. The prices also reflected the target student audience as did the variety of pick’n’mix style sweets behind the bar. Also a sculpture hanging from the ceiling of Crush (the surfer dude turtle from Finding Nemo) made entirely out of hubcaps, probably from the local art campus. After a brief struggle with the thumb latch on the door to open it we walked in to find it looking quite dark, due to some ‘mood lighting being provided by a lone candle on each table. Even though the place was fairly empty when we got there we could not locate a table and so sat at the bar but fortunately a table by the window vacated and was quickly re-located to. Shortly after re-location we realised Alex had a secret admirer in the form of an elderly gentleman in a house across the road just staring out of his living room window towards Alex for the most part of the evening, this freaked him out so naturally we found this quite amusing!
Music was being supplied by two guys on a small mixer, but not much mixing, more one track after another, quite a random selection as well, which was quite good but when the place was empty it could have been slightly lower in volume so we didn’t have to raise voices to talk (and then shout out something during the lull between tracks, nearly happened a few times). Generally the evening was pretty uneventful, started with very few patrons however business did pick up by about 10 which had a positive effect on the atmosphere and by the time last orders came about it was probably the busiest a place as got since we started our mission.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, Orange)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.60	Pork scratchings or Hula Hoops	8.0	7.4	8.0

Cricketers

Wow where to begin. We hadn't even got to the bar and a chubby, rough looking middle-aged woman approaches us. She asks "Can you do me a favour?, I've got money but they are not taking cards, will you buy me a drink?".
We looked at each other, "Err... no". Then she leaves out the front door and shouts to all her mates who were waiting outside "Come on we're wasting our time lets go". Cheeky bint.
Then a little later some lout comes in who looks completely under-age and tries to get served, finds he can't. He comes back later with another yob who can't get him served either. The little shit then proceeds to take a swing at the barman! Wonderful.
The music pumping out of the jukebox was a mixture of hip-hop, reggae and choir. No one else noticed but I could smell a hint of dog in the air. There was also a Viagra machine in the toilet. This place was rough but how bad is it if people get their prescription from a bog rather than a doctor?
It was so bad even Andrew had to be driven to the bus stop afterwards to avoid the hoodlums.
Shit hole.
-Alex

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I have tried to be open minded with my review on this place as I think the evening we experienced did not do the place justice. Overall I think this place has good potential for a nice evening apart from the woman scrounging drinks off strangers, the guy who thought that if you argue long enough and try to hit the guy behind the bar, they might change their mind on an ID policy and give him a drink (even when his mate got refused to buy a drink for him he was even more upset when he mate was willing to settle for ‘just a coke’), oh and the ‘phantom dog smell’ that only Alex could detect, it wasn’t all that bad. This place had a ‘proper’ pub feel to it, and had obviously been there for years. I would say that they should probably not have a jukebox set on random should really be stocked with a lot more decent music and a lot less b-side stuff as it was going from one extreme to another and only about 2 tracks were recognised all evening. Bar staff seemed friendly when not fending off ID-less punters and seating was well spaced, comfortable and tables were even and level as tested when Alex spilled his bottle of beer and even after 25 minutes of chatting none of the spillage had made it to the floor, Alex did mop up before leaving. I reckon if we were to head back there again the overall experience might rate a lot higher.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.70	Proper KP nuts and crisps	3.9	5.9	4.5

Barcadia

A very holiday feeling bar with it's own DJ playing funky house until 1:30am, not too loud mind. Oliver felt sorry for him because at one point we were the only ones he was playing to.
When we first arrived we were the only guys in there and there were two other pairs of girls, Oliver said this must be a gay bar and went red and uncomfortable.
The barmaid lied to us, she said they don't do food but I saw peanuts on the menu for £1.50, when confronted with this she went off and came back saying they'd ran out. Change your tune why don't you. The barman had very strange hair, perhaps it was a bet or something but it looked like a woman's wig.
-Alex

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I missed this one... no comment!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£4.70	I hate liars.	7.8	MIA	8.0

Bar Ha Ha

Lot's of people in their late twenties. The comfy seats behind the bar where we sat were occupied by mainly couples pushing the boundaries of public decency. Quite off putting having that face eating going on in the corner of your eye. We were the last ones to leave, I wanted to stay until they kicked us out but Andrew didn't have the nerve.
Stupid name for a bar.
-Alex

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This riverside bar is ideally located for a good view of the river with massive floor-ceiling windows allowing views form all round the bar. Over 21’s policy means for a more adult atmosphere but still aimed at the younger end of the spectrum as most other customers were in their 20’s and 30’s. Couches and comfy chairs available throughout as well as wooden barstools so a good range of seating choice, we settled for the chairs on the upper level which gave a nice overall view of the whole bar, also a more secluded place for the couples who frequented the place we discovered. This also allowed us a view form the other side of the service bar. Music was quiet background kind of stuff and a few plasma TV’s were showing Sky news. Overall quite a leisurely atmosphere giving a nice place to sit down and have a chat .
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.70	"Handmade" crisps and some ugly things that look like tumours	7.6	7.5	8.0

The Albion

A proper pub.
We walked in, got the drinks and went to sit down on some red leather sofa's in the corner. Before we knew it the pub landlord pushed in, sat down and switched on the sport on the giant screen without saying a word (he was a very fat bloke and had a strange football sized blob on his hip). Oliver looked down on him stunned for a second but we moved to a table which had annoying wooden post sticking out of it so you couldn't see the anyone opposite you.
Nice looked after place, no riff raff, and very cheap. They got the dog out to tell you it was time to close though.
-Alex

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Defiantly one of those ‘proper’ pubs as in your traditional, what you think of when you hear the word ‘pub’ type deals. The place was very quiet when we arrived, and stayed that way for most the night, after we ordered our drinks we had took some time deciding where to sit after changing minds form sitting at a table at the back we headed to the comfortable looking sofa’s to have the landlord take them over by himself (both of them) after it was obvious we were heading for them so we went for a barstool height table, which had another mini-table on top weirdly (but pleasantly) obstructing the view to Alex who was opposite me. After the first round we relocated to a normal height table. Overall place had a friendly atmosphere everyone else there seemed to be a regular and knew the staff.
- Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£7.80	Yes	7.0	6.8	7.0

Acorn 20

Nice pub/bar, very new, no chewing gum on the floor (yet). Chilli nuts came in a nice bowl and they had screens playing Men in Black on each table. That was ok until the sport turned on and we had cover the screen with a menu.
The J2O's were warm because the "fridge had broken", although we saw plenty of other working fridges behind the bar.
They also haven't lost some of the Artful Dodger regulars either, they were either drunk or had speech impediments.
-Alex

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This was defiantly one of the better modern style places we have been to so far, recently refurbished everything had yet to be worn in and so a very clean looking place all round. Drinks were adequately priced however the soft drinks fridge was cold, we did wonder after we were obviously there for a while that they couldn’t move some of Ollie’s J2O’s into a working fridge as opposed to keeping them next to a heat source of some kind. TV’s on walls at the tables linked to SKY and a DVD player, kept getting distracted by MIB, even looking away from the table some of us could still se it on the other side of the bar, but focused more on conversation after that finished and the football came on (yes were not really big footie fans).Snacks sold by the bowl which is a different touch, barmaid was friendly tho the seats we were on did appear to have an uncomfortable plank of wood (if sat on) to separate one side to another.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.30	Crisps / Chilli Nuts	7.4	7.7	8.0

O'Neill's

One of the big chains, made to feel like a nice local though.
Hard to say anything bad about this pub, weird location though. As it's next to the Works, there was some teenage night going on and the streets were full of kids wanting to look sexy being picked up by their parents.
An attractive table service was included.
-Alex

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I’ll admit now I might be biased but this is because I have always liked O’neils pubs, and this one is not exception. After getting our order at the bar we didn’t have to look far to find a free table by the window. After a while the barmaid was collecting our empties and offered us a table service to order another round, we liked this as it meant we did not have to move to get more drinks and the barmaids timing on the 3rd round was also spot on, maybe she was keeping an eye on us at it wasn’t a very busy evening or maybe it was just coincidence, either way we were not complaining.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.40	Yes	8.6	9.1	8.0

The Druid's Head

Massive pub, both upstairs and downstairs. Shame we went on a day when there was football being played, some kids upstairs got way too excited and started shouting and stamping their feet like they lived in Ethiopia and the UN had just flown over with a food drop.
Toilets were dodgy, unidentified floating objects.
-Alex

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The evening we visited this place it was very busy due to the football being shown on the big screen upstairs and the smaller ones on the downstairs level. Unfortunately this meant that when we did eventually find a table, only 2 chairs were there forcing two of us to stand (we had a guest with us this evening) after a while Ollie and I spied another table with a few chairs round it so relocated there, unfortunately in close proximity to the door meant a regular cold draft every time someone entered or left. Overall experience was not great due to noise form supporters and the draft, but then if you don’t want noise you wont got to a bar showing sports intentionally, just happened to be next on our list. I reckon another night would have been a more positive experience.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£?	Yes	5.5	6.2	6.0

The Kingston Mill

One of the main student hangouts. They were asking if we had a regulars card, which took some of the price off. That says to me they overcharge you if you don't have one.
There was a Rowing Association party going on in the corner, one guy had a good rhyme about 'having it away' with dead people.
Friendly service, but quite rowdy atmosphere.
-Alex

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This place I found to be quite good, defiantly one for the students and being an ex-Kingston student I was quite annoyed that I had never frequented this place during my student days as it does seem to have a fun atmosphere. There was a Uni rowing club having a social event near to where we were sitting and everyone seemed to be in high spirits which had a positive effect to the atmosphere, especially liked the recital of the limerick ‘Jack the Necrophiliac’. Overall look to the place was quite dark with different lighting in the various sections, some areas cramped and other seemed quite spacious with cubby holes her and there. I also noticed a line on the wall by the bar registering the lowest (and quite impressive) Limbo score at a previous bar event.
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Budwiser, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£8.60	Yes	7.2	7.6	8.0

The Slug and Lettuce

Pretty average bar. Andrew said we couldn't sit at the top because the tables were only for if you were eating. He was wrong, but we should have listened. The table felt as clean as Oceana's cheesy room floor after someone chucked up a reconstituted hotdog up on it.
Drinks were expensive, and they were damn keen to get us out come closing.
-Alex

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The main appeal of this bar is the near-riverside location, however although the place is a fair size the area around the main door is at the narrowest point of the bar, yet also the busiest. We went on a not too busy evening and still had to sidestep past a few people to get to place an order. There was a seating section on a raised lever where we decided to go and sit, looked like it was more of a dining area and to be honest could have been a bit cleaner. The place was well lit, and seating was fairly comfortable but this did not really justify the larger than average bar bill incurred. We plan to keep the orders similar at all the places we review to keep the ratings accurate and so far this is the only one to pass the £10 barrier, in fact the only one that has reached higher than £9!
-Andrew

Drinks Price (Strongbow, Dbl JD & Coke, J2O)	Snacks	Alex's Score	Andrew's Score	Oliver's Score
£10.50	Yes	5.0	6.0	7.0